MAKING HARD DECISIONS
All these hours of aloneness have afforded me ample time to think—more than I needed, certainly more than I wanted.
I am an expert at being alone, but I must admit that this forced situation has become stifling to the point of declaring, “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”
This feeling was triggered partly by a fall I had a few weeks ago. I was in the guest room retrieving some sewing notions when I tangled my feet in the corner of the bedspread that cascades to the floor. I fell forward on my knees hitting my chin on Mama’s old wooden rocking chair. Since having both knees replaced, I can no longer kneel or place pressure on my knees. They were bruised and swollen, and my chin was cut, and I hurt. I just laid there and cried for about thirty seconds.
Finally, I rolled over and sat up, but I couldn’t get up, so I scooted on my backside across the living room where I reached up and unlocked the front door. Clutching my phone, I called 911. Four handsome young firemen were at my door almost immediately. They came in, helped me up, and determined that I didn’t need any stitches. I assured them that I am a “tough old gal,” so they laughed and left.
Now, I know what some are thinking. “Why don’t you have one of those little “thingamajigs” around your neck? You just press it and someone comes running.”
I don’t have one of those “thingamajigs” because they are for “old people,” and I am determined not to be old—sheer foolishness on my part. That’s what we call “failure to face reality.”
These times of uninterrupted reflection have forced me to think about my age (I will be eighty-five my next birthday), and the fact that there are some things I can no longer do for myself. I was also concerned about what to do in case of an emergency. All kinds of feelings were roiling around in my head, and I found myself asking, “God, how did I wind up like this. Why am I alone?”
So, I made a decision. I decided I will sell my house and move to a retirement place where I can live independently in my own apartment. I can be alone as much as I please, and I can be with other people when I want to. There will always be someone to eat with, to play with, to talk to, etc. My brother thought it was a good idea. I was excited! I called the facility and waited anxiously for the literature they promised to send.
That literature is what you could call “A WAKIN’ UP MORNING.” It didn’t take long to wake up to the fact that, at $ 42,000.00 per year, there was no way I could afford such a life unless I am planning to die soon.
I tossed and turned all night trying to figure things out, and then I thought about my cherished little house and how I would hate to give it up, how hard it would be to get rid of most of my belongings and cram into a little one-bedroom apartment. Actually, I had not really thought through the thing at all.
In the bright light of day, I realized that I had made a decision on the spur of the moment, a decision fueled by emotions and a sense of loneliness. My decision reflected the desires of my heart at that given moment but considering my situation, it really made no sense.
One day I will have to make such a decision, a decision that will be life-changing, a decision that may be painful. I want to make that decision while I am still capable, and I will. I don’t want someone else to determine my future.
However, before I make such a decision, I will do some research thinking through the whole thing thoroughly. Then, I will consult God, He sees the whole picture past, present, and future. He has promised to instruct me and teach me in the way I should go. He assures me that He has His eye upon me, and He will show me what I must do. I am convinced that He will have the right place for me, and as long as I follow His will, I will enjoy His peace and blessing.
Are you in the throes of decision making today? Perhaps you have no idea which direction to take. Ask God for wisdom. Trust in His promises. His Word often gives us needed direction.
Psalm 119:105 says, “Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”
2 Peter 1:19 tells us His Word, “…is as a light that shines in a dark place until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts.”
Be encouraged! He will shine His light into your dark place, and help you make the right decision.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”
REMEMBER, THE SUN WILL COME OUT TOMORROW!