I believe this is where we left off last week. I’m still waiting!
I looked forward to seeing the cardiologist on Monday morning. I was sure he would have the whole plan for my treatment mapped out. Because of the seriousness of my condition, he would take care of everything in a couple of days, and life would get back to normal.
NO! Two more tests are required—another echo and an angiogram. The doctor said, “We will get it all done in the next few weeks.”
There is a question about whether or not this newer procedure will work in my case. So I asked, “What if it won’t work for me? Will you do “open heart” surgery?
“No,” he said. “At your age, and being overweight, you would never survive that surgery.”
I didn’t like his comments about being overweight, and I wanted to tell him that I can get rid of the extra twenty-five pounds in a few months. But I cannot get rid of the extra years.
I’ve always wondered how doctors, day after day, could deliver such sad ultimatums to patients without revealing the least bit of emotion.
That left me a bit deflated, and the difficulty of scheduling the new tests only added to the frustration.
I am home now with my thoughts, and there’s no real way to control them. To begin with, I am thinking that, “Surely the doctor will be able to use this minimally invasive procedure, and we won’t need to worry about anything else.”
Then the “What ifs” began dinging around in my head. What if they can’t? What then? How will they treat this illness? How long can I live like this? Pretty serious questions that cannot be ignored!
I am not afraid to die, but neither do I want to. I still have many things I need to do and want to do. However, there is an unspoken demand that crowds my space—a demand that I deal honestly with the future. I don’t even know when my next appointment is, so how do I deal with a tomorrow that seems lost in a murky fog?
The only way I know to do this is to commit everything to the Lord. So I prayed and I asked many others to pray with me. I’m afraid I prayed selfishly. I prayed that my tests will prove that the surgery is possible and God will enable the surgeon to perform the procedure without hindrance. That is my prayer. That is what I want, but I do not yet know what God wants.
My favorite Psalm, Psalm 139, assures me that, “…in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them.”
Every day of my life is written in God’s book. He already knows what will happen tomorrow, and I must try to rest in the truth of His plan for my life. Notice, I said, “Try to.”
My thoughts rattled around jumping back and forth from one thing to another. Is my business in order? Have I left proper instructions? What should I do with this—what shall I do with that? I even thought about my funeral and who would officiate. I was a bit surprised with myself, for I have always shied away from such thoughts wanting to believe that I would live forever. However these thoughts were not dark and morbid, but matter of fact and appropriate for the moment. Maybe I’m finally growing up!
Eventually, my thoughts turned toward heaven, the place Jesus said He was going to prepare for us. I wondered just how real heaven is, even to those who call themselves Christians. I fear that for many heaven has become no more than a fairy tale.
All my life I have heard about heaven. Sunday school teachers taught it, pastors preached it, people sang about it. But, until now, we have not experienced it. Even in the New Testament doubters were questioning the reality of heaven and the coming of Christ.
In 2 Peter 3:4, they ask, “Where is the promise of His coming? For…all things continue as they were from the beginning of creation.
Perhaps that is the way you feel. “I keep hearing about it, but nothing changes.” So, because we have not yet experienced heaven, to many, it remains an amazing story that we may or may not believe. I must admit that it may be difficult to make the leap from this sad, broken, tired world to that eternal city that awaits us. My advice! Read the story again in Revelation chapters 21 and 22.
As you read, understand that heaven is much more than a city with gates of pearl, streets of gold and jeweled foundations. It is the throne room of All Mighty God. It is the dwelling place of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. It is a city illuminated by the glory of God, where night shall never reign. No more sorrow, no more pain, no more tears.
I’ve no idea when I will be called from this earthly life, but I know where I am going. I am going to live and work in that eternal city that Jesus has prepared for me.
2 Peter 3:13, “…we according to His promise, look for new heavens and a new earth in which righteousness dwells.”
SEE YOU THERE!
Remember, the sun will come out tomorrow!